Identity is a tricky thing. It can give and it can take. But we have a choice within this idea of our identity and what defines us. We decide, depending on our relationship to that identity, whether it gives or takes.
Identity is not something I thought much about in my youth, I think my privilege allowed for that. However, since acquiring a disability and facing a dramatic change in my identity, it’s something I have engaged with intimately and mindfully, for my own survival. And in order to love this body and this life. In order to find my people, and feel seen and heard. In order to make sense of a new reality, find joy and pleasure, freedom and empowerment.
I also faced this identity crisis, or rather this identity consciousness, when my dad died. Who was I if I wasn’t his daughter? I felt lost without him. A constant was gone. But then I realized I could still be in relationship with him, even though he wasn’t on this earth. I surrendered to a new way to be close to him, I opened myself up to the possibilities, and I found that my identity as his daughter still existed, and always would, whether he was here in the flesh or not.
We all go through profound change in our lives, it is the one inevitable—change.
“God is change.”
-Octavia Butler
If we can be present with who we are in this moment, with what feels authentic and true, we can be in healthy relationship with how we define ourselves.
We can let go. We can be less attached to who we think we are as we accept that we are always changing.
We can give ourselves the love we deserve by opening ourselves up to who we are or who we want to be in this moment — not who we used to be, not who the world thinks we are, not how others see us, but through a divinely untainted lens of possibilities.
And THEN, we can find grace, growth and connection.
Sometimes there’s a part of us that we have ignored or suppressed, and we feel the uncomfortable unearthing, but must heed the call.
Sometimes we lose an identity, sometimes we gain one. And sometimes it fucks everything up, and we have a lot to figure out, and it’s hard.
But if we can surrender, listen, and adapt, we can reshape our world and find ourselves in harmony with change.
And then, we can really surprise ourselves.
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