The Worthiness of YOU
How wounding, disability or marginalization can leave us feeling less than, and how to fight back
Image description: Kelsey in her power wheelchair in front of the ocean, sailboats sprinkling the horizon. She is dancing, reaching her arm out as the other unfurls from her face, as if offering something. She gazes at her extended hand. She wears a white tank and blue jeans.
The more I dig into this work as a Self-love and Sexuality Doula, the more it reveals about my own healing process. As I validate the pain others have experienced from different wounds, from ableism or internalized-ableism, from abuse via the “hierarchy of bodies” we all face in our own ways, I see myself and my own journey more clearly. These wounds have separated us from our right to love ourselves. Teaching others how to love themselves is nourishing my own wounds, holding my own heart in the palms of warm tender hands. It is teaching me just as much, if not more, than I’m teaching others.
The ways that we are broken down, forced to judge, devalue and compare ourselves to others, continue to be formidable forces, but ones we can better arm ourselves against. We are all so influenced by harmful societal narratives that are the norm, we are coerced into holding ourselves against an unrealistic standard of what being human should look like. And the truth is, while gazing up against a mountainous standard, it is all too easy to feel less than enough, less than human, less than worthy of the love and life we all deserve.
But we can’t blame ourselves.
Not only do we all have the looming mountain to fight against, but we each have our own unique experience that we must strive to compassionately understand in order to be our own biggest asset on our climb. Our dedication to loving and knowing our sacred experience, is the key to finding grace.
We each have our own wounds, and we all are differently-equipped to climb. Some of us came to the party with a support system, and some of us, not so much. Some of us face more profound obstacles. We have to honor this for ourselves and each other, the struggle is real.
Some of us have certain skills or knowledge to inform an easier journey, tools to smooth out the ride. Some of us are left to our own devices, arduously beating against the face of a glacial beast.
We feel inferior when we feel on the outside, yearning to belong. Yearning to be seen. To be loved. These wounds go deep. And they don’t just go away unattended, they fester. They become their own entities within us. Their own characteristics, their own moving manifestations of a body that wasn’t enough. We find ways to cope, in whatever ways we can, in order to survive.
It has taken a lot of work to get where I am now when it comes to my relationship with my body and the love I feel for myself, and the work continues. Always. It’s a daily practice that is woven into the way I look at myself in the mirror, the thoughts I create when I wash my body, the way I dance to celebrate me and to process emotions. The way I routinely ask myself:
“what does my body need right now?” or “how can this feel joyful?”
It is in the subtleties and nuances of my everyday life. It resonates in the way I am in relationships. The ways I advocate for myself. The way I access joy and pleasure for my very well-being. The way I handle rejection. The way I remind myself, when the ableist fog creeps in:
“you are enough” “you are lovable” “don’t take it personally, it’s not your BS to hold” “your feelings are valid”
All of these things, and so much more, have become my arsenal. They have helped me up mountain after mountain, moment by moment, no matter how small. I keep my collection of hand-woven golden weaponry inside me like a lion. She is the steady rhythm of my heart, the grit of my guts, the posture of my soul. She is the very throne I sit upon.
💜 Big love,
Kels
Little tidbit for you:
In case you ever doubted…
This is your new mantra:
There are no parts of YOU that ARE unWORTHY.
Say it to your reflection daily.
Whisper it with your hands gently on your heart. 👐♥️
Dance with these words. Everyday.
Move and breathe with them.
Pause with them.
Use this as a way to integrate self-love into your beautiful body, mind and spirit.
At the same time you’re embodying self-love, you’re also pattern-interrupting any harmful narratives you might have internalized. Squash these forces telling you you’re anything less than enough — ableism, racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, fat phobia, ageism, whatever!
Write it on your mirror, tattoo it on your body, put it on a post-it and say it out loud to yourself as you stroll by it everyday.
Let it sink into the deepest parts of you.
You are beautiful.
If anyone has ever made you feel unworthy, fuck ‘em.
If this world ever tries to steal your worth, hold on tight.
You are worthy.
*New mantra, courtesy of my girl @pigeonness_movies 🔥