Accessibility is Love. Inclusion is Love.
How We Can Better Show Up for Each Other
The other day I posted a reel on Instagram about advocating for ourselves as people with disabilities.
I was talking about how disabled people also have an embodied existence. We deserve to move, we want to move, and we need better inclusion in movement spaces. One person in the comments mentioned how they feel like they’re whining when they advocate for themselves.
Totally valid. I have been her, I am her, I will be her again.
I’ve been left out of things plenty of times because of my disability combined with other people’s fears and assumptions, and it hurts. I often don’t get invited on the boat ride, or the morning walks or to go see the northern lights in the middle of the night. One of my quad friends was left out of a ski trip because her girlfriends didn’t know how to include her.
Oftentimes, we see obstacles and let fear win. It’s human nature. But the fact of the matter is, we don’t have to do this, and we can do better. Your disabled friend is an expert on their body and their disability—use them!
All you have to do is ask.
Don’t discount your ability to come up with solutions and ideas together. It can actually be fun! Creativity is fun, adapting and engineering in collaboration is fun. And rewarding! Your brain releases happy hormones through this process, so that’s just another bonus alongside getting to hang out with your friend, rather than just succumbing to ableism and leaving them out. Just sayin ;)
Because that friend who didn’t get invited on the ski trip—she actually did want to go, she could have brought her caregiver along, and lo and behold, the resort had adaptive skiing, which she then missed out on. Big bummer. This all could have been avoided with a simple loving conversation.
Be the brave friend. Be the ally. We can all do better, y’all. I believe in us.
As pwd’s we are going to be put in a vulnerable position, over and over again, where we have to advocate for ourselves. Where we have to explain why we belong, or how to include us, or why certain behavior is hurtful. We might feel like we’re whining—because we’re pushing up against harmful narratives that are sadly the norm, and that tell us that our needs are inconvenient or “too much”.
We’re pushing up against a very deep-seated culture of ableism, where being able-bodied is the “best” or only way to be perfectly human, and everything else is an afterthought at best. We’re pushing up against a normal that often doesn’t include us, and that means you’re going to upset people. That means it’s going to be uncomfortable. Many people don’t recognize their behavior and they don’t want to see it—THAT is what is actually inconvenient, addressing ableism within ourselves. I’ve done it too. It sucks. It’s new. It’s awkward, but it’s necessary. Take a deep breath, we’ve all been there in our own way. We can’t all be perfect. You’re gonna be ok.
Self-advocating is hard. We might feel angry. We might cry. This is all valid.
Because it hurts to have to justify your worth, your humanness and the validity of your unique human experience in this way. It hurts to have to explain why your experience matters. Why you matter. It’s downright heartbreaking sometimes. You’re allowed to have all sorts of feelings about it.
Let’s all give each other some grace. I’m sorry you have to be a teacher in this way, when you shouldn’t have to be, or when you don’t want to be. It’s painful. It’s exhausting. It’s maddening. But when you have the energy, when you can find the words, advocate for yourself. Speak your truth. Because when you do, you tell yourself that you’re enough. That you are worthy of more, of better. And you give other people with disabilities permission and courage to do the same. Self-advocacy is an act of not just self-love, but of collective care. Not only are you saying “I am worthy”, you are changing the social norm, you are challenging the status quo and you are making us all better while you do it.
Lastly to my beloved Crip homies:
If people don’t want to have the conversations to include you and be better allies, then quite frankly, good riddance. You deserve better. Don’t subject yourself to people who invalidate your human experience with their ableist bullshit, we have enough battles already. Deuces! ✌️ 💜
For Disabled People How To Advocate For Yourself:
Trust yourself — when you get an icky feeling from someone’s actions that dismiss you and/or feel ableist, investigate that feeling. It’s not nothing. It’s your gut. Listen.
Speak your truth. speak openly with “I” statements — address what is hurtful without criticizing.
Find solutions. suggest how you could work together and problem-solve to find a solution that feels good for all
High five each other, hug it out, mini dance party, whatever. Ya done good.
For Non-Disabled Allies How To Be a Better Ally and Be More Inclusive:
Don’t assume. Assumptions don’t help anyone and they can be quite harmful for everyone, including yourself. Assuming makes an ass out of u and me. “You think you know, but you have no idea. This is the diary of disabled folks” - IFKYK
Have the awkward conversations. LISTEN. Disabled people have a deep understanding of a whole different life experience and existence that you know nothing about, or at least not as much as they do. Please respect and honor that. Stay open.
Get creative. Think outside the box and go step-by-step to find ways to be inclusive. Accessibility is love. Inclusion is love. Life is a creative process, lean in. Don’t underestimate yourself or anyone else for that matter.
Keep it fun and safe — slow and steady. Have a plan. Do the recon. Listen to your disabled friend and follow their lead.
We got this.
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Yes 1000% yes. Thank you for this.